Today I realized that I hadn't posted anything in a while. I attribute that to my fluctuating mood, it has been so bizarre that anything I would have written would have come off as sounding either pessimistic or just too much to handle. One thing I do know is that people tend to back off when something is too heavy. Things we are not used to hearing are uncomfortable and can be difficult to comprehend. We're used to retreating into the world that we know, the safe place that we go when something is not right.
SIDS Happens Everyday.
One thing that I do know is that I have never been afraid to speak the truth. In some circumstances that can get you in trouble, but I am talking about truth in the things that matter, issues of life and death. When I speak frankly about the death of Renzo, I am not speaking to push sadden or frighten anyone, I am speaking in memory of one of the great loves of my life. I am speaking about a soul who was not only special to me, but special to everyone who met him. I am left as a mere conduit to his memory. It's not necessarily just about keeping his memory alive, it's about shouting out the fact that this is not right.
One day healthy, the next day gone.
On occasion I have heard "just have another one" - Wow, what a statement! No kidding, people actually think they are positively contributing by suggesting such a simple "solution" - Whoa. I guess they too reach the point of not knowing whatelse to say, whatelse to think. One person said "you'll feel better", begging the question as to how they would know that. I smile, sometimes often. My smiles are even bigger than before, sometimes exaggerated, as I know how quickly life can turn around. Part of that smile comes from knowing that, despite the tragedy, we were truly blessed to have had Renzo in the first place.
Everyday I search, everyday I will continue to search. I know the light is there.
Tap on my window, knock on my door, I want to make you feel beautiful....
About Me
- Forever Lorenzo's Mother
- It has been 14 years since my son passed away while at a home daycare. Life, as one can imagine, took an incredibly challenging turn, but here I am. I rarely identify myself or those closest to me on this page, as in the beginning it served as a sort of "therapy" just for me. I am grateful to have had a place to come to when I needed to "communicate" and make sense about what the world happened to my beautiful boy, my life. I am also grateful that I could look back in this diary of sorts and now see that along with an amazing support system, absolute faith and persistence to survive has brought me to where I am today. Much love and light to those on the road of recovery - any recovery. Believe in what may seem impossible...