Blessings -

"Music Matters"

Last night we went to the Hollwood Bowl - Opening night. It was great music... TRISHA YEARWOOD, tribute to FRANK SINATRA, JOSHUA BELL, and... my favorite - JOSH GROBIN. JOSH is special because I was compelled to buy his latest CD before Renzo was born, hearing his voice was so inspiring that it would make me shiver when I heard him sing on the radio, it called to me. I thought it would be the CD I would listen to in the hospital while in labor. I never took the CD and it stayed on the shelf in plastic wrap. I did not even remember it until after Renzo passed. The day he was buried, it rained like crazy at night. That night, my husband and I cried together, again, as we had just realized that one of our turtles died - after 17 years. We figured that Renzo took the turtle to heaven with him, it was much too much to handle. When we were in the room we heard a steady noise outside, it was the first rain fo the season. It was unbelievable, it had not rained at all up until that day, it poured. One of the songs on the JOSH GROBIN CD is called REMEMBER WHEN IT RAINED. I played that song after Renzo died, it broke my heart, but I knew it was a sign. When JOSH GROBIN sang last night, tears flowed down my face, it was such a pleasure to hear his magical voice.

At Renzo's funeral, one of the songs we chose to the background his video picture presentation was OVER THE RAINBOW from the Wizard of Oz, the original by Judy Garland. I had heard that song about 3 times in the following weeks after he died, it seemed to pop up everywhere. Since when does anyone you ever hear that song consecutively? So last night, the closing song was sung by TRISHA YEARWOOD. What was it? OVER THE RAINBOW. My husband and I just whispered at one another "Oh No..." - We knew we were going to lose it. It was so beautiful, she did a good job singing it. We just sat there and cried individually, everyone must have thought it we were nuts. I buried my head in my sweatshirt, it was so very diffiuclt to hear, was unexpected, we were just trying to get out with friends for a relaxing night with good music. Since we were outdoors, and far from the stage, there were big screen TV's so all can see what is going on on stage. I popped up my head from under my sweatshirt to look at the big screen during the last verse of the song. I swear, as soon ( and I am talking about AS SOON AS) as TRISHA YEARWOOD sang the very last word of OVER THE RAINBOW, A SHOOTING STAR appeared just to the right of the big screen, it was sooo awesome, it really snapped me out of a deep sadness. I could hear people around me say "wow, a shooting star!" - The timing was impecable, it was another magical moment..


I am so glad I have eyes to see, ears to hear, and still a heart to feel - despite everything.


You raise me up so I can stand on mountains...


* publised at 12:11 on 6/25 *

Milestones

Time keeps on ticking away, Renzo still is not here. From time to time I meet people who have either recently had a baby, or have just celebrated their child's 1st Birthday. Where we should be one of those parent's, what we have to offer is only a memory, and a vision of what should have been.

The milestone of Renzo's 1st birthday has come and gone. It was a tough week leading up to and away from it. We did not know just how we were going to handle it, but we did the best we could. What started out as a "Chuck-E-Cheese" weekend with a girlfriend of mine (with her child, of course), turned out to be the celebration that would have been.

Before you know it, my niece and I snuck away to buy some baby blue balloons, after all, this was more than a barbeque.

It was obvious that the mood of that particular weekend would be a challenge, I thought that renting a "bouncer" would be fun. It did not matter to me that only 2 kids would be there, it was for Renzo. Besides that, I was going to get in and celebrate the birth of my son, the birth of our son.

Bit by bit more people were invited outside of our immediate family & best of friends, including more kids - As I jumped up and down in the bouncer I smiled, I felt happiness in my heart, pleased for the moment despite the obvious. It was super being with the kids (big and small) in the bouncer, they were happy and being part of their special moment meant so much to me.

It was a good event, more than we could imagine. We did a ceremonial releasing of the balloons for Renzo, wishing him a happy birthday and thanking him for his presence. How we wished he was physically here to receive those balloons, but nonetheless, he was here in spirit and in our hearts.

At the end, we celebrated with lotsa ice cream, cheesecake, and the leftover birthday cake from the prior week.

I cannot say that this will become an annual event, but I can say, the milestone that should have been his, but turned quite the opposite, was a very important milestone for us.

We miss you Renzo, we miss you so much.

Feliz Cumpleanos.

Con todo mi amor,

Mamita