Sources Of Strength

Tonite I stumbled upon a blog entry that was submitted sometime in 2005. Thankfully, I printed out a copy. As I read it again I wondered who wrote it. It was me...

Sources of s strength

Recently I was asked what things I have done to help get through this past year. First, I wold be sorely mistaking if I even thought it came from within and only within. The only thing one can even feel at first is utter shock. I truly believe that it is the anger of the event itself that has fueled me to new heights. I certainly am not a perfect person, but I've at least tried to do all my I's and cross all my t's my entire life. And then this?

I have been incredibly blessed with an amazing support system since I could remember. And if you are reading this, chances are you are a part of that. It's the beauty and the inherent good in all people that I find which encourages me to be a better person. And with marriage, that support system has grown ten-fold, so here again, I would be mistaking if I thought my strength was about me alone.

The fundamentals have been very helpful as well, reading, writing and meditation. We have awesome therapists / life coaches. and teachers of many faiths walk with us through the muck. We have had complete strangers offer a good word or share their own experience. With that in mind, it is so important for me / for us to share our experience.

There is a link for THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS on the homepage. TCF is a national non-profit organization that has been around for years. I found out about it through a good friend who lives on the East Coast. She was kind enough to send our family a note with information on her experience on the death of her beautiful daughter, that took a lot. Our family belong to a the PIL (pregnancy and infant loss) group of our local chapter, where there are many others just like us who have lost their babies during or after pregnancy. Unfortunately, there are constant newcomers. Experiencing their loss is like reliving my own, but in a sense their loss is my loss, and as someone held our hand was we went to our first meeting, we must do the same in return. So we sit, we cry, we talk, we share our experience in this rollercoaster that life has tossed us.

Finally, and most importantly... I pray, I pray often, I pray everyday. I've been taught to "ask to receive" not for myself, but "for the sake of sharing". It is by the Grace of God that I am able to open my heart to the universe and ask that I be given strength for the day, strength to pick up the pieces of our lives and carry on in this journey with a meaningful sense of direction, all while feeling the presence of Lorenzo....


I felt it important to republish the above, as it all still stands true today. As I read this old post I realized something was missing. My employer. I am a longtime employee of a company that truly is family. I continue to be eternally grateful for all that was done for me. Because I was at work when I got "the call" it took me a very long time to disassociate that moment...

I continue to be incredibly thankful for the graciousness of all those in my life and vow to be of service in a world with much pain, but yet still so beautiful.